Time Moves Slowly AND Quickly

Posted on December 12, 2011

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What a strange feeling.  That time moves at a pace that is relative to your own experiences.  I’m not the first to notice, and won’t be the last.  But it is so clear to me now.

Wednesday last week was the 1 year anniversary of when my mom died. That day was quite similar to the actual day, but last week didn’t have quite as much snow.  It felt the same.  Dreary.  And it seemed to me that it was extra dark, but again, that could have been my perception!

I think about my mom every day, but on the anniversary I had forgotten, briefly, about the significance of the day.  But it soon came to me.

I called my dad and we talked for a while, like it wasn’t on our minds.  As I was finishing the call, I finally said, “I guess I don’t need to say anything about what day it is”.  We never said anything overt, but we were both holding back tears when we hung up.

I wrote a cryptic Facebook status about remembering and went about my day as best I could.  I was ok until I was riding the bus home and had time to think.  I looked out the window and hoped I hid my sadness.

I have started a new job and a new course since my mom died.  I keep busy.  Not in order to forget or pretend it didn’t happen, but to carry on and hopefully improve my life.

I wish I would have done that while she was alive, so I could give her something to be proud of.  She never said she wasn’t proud of me, but I certainly could have done better.

 

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